boxsocial (boxsocial) wrote,

I know it isn't right

To actually like justin Timberlake...but I do. So there. His songs make me want to shake my ass. I'm listening to him right now on Pandora and I'm very happy about it.

So I guess it *did* end up being a bit of a snowpoccalypse. -So much so that the school closed early yesterday, and I've NEVER seem the RCM close early in all my years. I got a ride home which was fortunate, but an under 10 min. trip took me over a half hour.

I got home and slept for two hours. So sleepy. Apparently I had a ten minute telephone conversation with Emmet that I totally don't remember. He told me that I said hilarious things like: "I am sooo asleeepinnnggg"

After I woke up I decided to transfer the two over flowing shoeboxes of sentimental crap that I have hung on to all these years into the pretty new banker's box that I got recently from ikea.
It's pretty amazing that I've managed to hang onto all this stuff for all these years. It was flattering, depressing, twitterpating, nostalgic and heart wrenching to go through all the old love letters again...looking at the patterns emerge that haunt me still to this day.
It was especially crazy to read the letters from Chad. Chad...such a typical high school hear breaker name. He totally didn't suit the name in the John Hughes movie-esque way that comes to mind though. He was half black and half french canadian, he said that his Dad was in the FLQ, I have no idea if that was true. He lived with foster parents or something (actually most of my High School boyfriends did) He was into Fishbone, NOFX, he was this hot, docs wearing, punk rock guy that seemed to come out of nowhere. He transfered to my school the fall of my grade 10 year. I remember following him down the hall the first day I saw him. I was wearing this AMAZING fucking vintage 70's jean jacket that had all this embroidery on the a waterfall and a unicorn or something awesome like that. I felt so cool in that jacket, it was probably the only reason I had the nerve to talk to him in the first place.

The details have gotten foggy in my head over the years, and until last night I haven't read the letters he wrote me since high school. I bound them up with rope, in some sort of attempt at closure. All I've remembered all these years was that he cheated on me. He stopped aknowleging me. He never gave me the chance to be mad at him, or to talk to him. I never got an apology or an excuse. It was completely without warning and I stayed in love with him for a whole year. I was FUCKED UP over this dude. I remember thinking that if I just kept holding out, he would eventually come back around. Everything that I did for a whole year had something to do with him. My Jordan Catalano.
Looking at his letters last night really shook me. The words that he said were so beautiful. The language that he used was so gorgeous. The kind of words that make you fall hard for a person. The kind of words you say to someone you have very deep feelings for. He used magical words like 'Love' and 'run away together' which were huge for an alienated teenage girl who spent too much time reading Kerouac and fighting with her parents. I guess I forgot that I fell so hard for him for a reason, that it wasn't just in my head. I was fucked with in a real and legit way. How sad that at 15 my heart was so badly hurt.

The ways I've loved so far in this's a wonder there's anything left to love with at all.
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